dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize