I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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