grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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