If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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