No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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