You're my little dorito
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.