she looked like the before picture.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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