If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
