I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
