Don't you send me to vm
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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