We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
