I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
