I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
