so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
