The maid of honor just puked.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize