dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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