so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
