from now on my penis is your penis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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