He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
