I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
