oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
