My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
