I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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