I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
