I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
