after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My vagina is officially offended.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
