Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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