No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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