Moan for me like Helen Keller
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
