I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
