all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
