i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
