Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
