North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
