North Korea, Best Korea!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
