you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
