also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
