i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
