Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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