I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
