Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
