Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
only if we run a train.
done.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
