Fine. I'll sleep in my office
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
