the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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