I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
