I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You ruined the universe
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
