the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
