Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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