plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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