I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
