i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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