never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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