Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
