dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
