Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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