after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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