Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
