What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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