All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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