I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
