I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
