My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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