I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
