There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
