Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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