I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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