Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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