I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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