Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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