I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
