Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Randomize
