mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
