"it" just moved
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When are your genitals available?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
