Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
