dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
