I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
