i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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