Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
