whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
