you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
