My first STD was from a foam party
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
