I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
