Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
