TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
