I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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